Tranquility
by YupSureDid
Summary: She wasn't there for them on the day of Sectionals. They weren't there when she needed them most.


**Author's Note**: THIS IS A ONE SHOT. It was inspired by Desert Dragon's "The Peace Lily Soliloquy" and even if you don't watch the Big Bang Theory, I highly suggest you take a look at her story because it was written beautifully, and you really don't need to know the characters to appreciate the way she wrote it. That said, thanks so much to her for giving me permission to kind of steal a scene or two from that story. I don't know what Rachel drives, so now it's a Jetta. Everything from Season 1 applies.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Glee or it's characters.

**Tranquility  
**

The bus on the way home from Sectionals was mostly silent. They had won, but it wasn't very satisfying. Beating a group of deaf singers and a group of juvenile delinquents didn't feel very good. They knew they had been a shoe in, even without Rachel's voice, after the Jane Addam's girl's had broken out in a knife fight on the stage. Finn had showed up with the music to 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' and Mercedes had pulled out a sub par but effective rendition of 'Fallen' by Alicia Keys for the ballad. Mr. Schue congratulated them upon their return to McKinley, where they all fawned over their trophy in it's case in the music wing, and then it was over. They went home to finish their weekend and then returned to school Monday ready to fight fire with fire. If Rachel Berry wanted to throw a diva fit, they would show her a diva fit times eleven. She was not going to get away with it this time.

Kurt immediately spotted Mercedes and Tina in the parking lot as he pulled in, and he soon flounced over to them after fixing his hair in the reflection of his window and locking his car.

"So I tried texting _and_ calling Rachel at least a dozen times this weekend," he started, his voice laced with annoyance.

"She didn't answer you, either?" Tina asked, while they started walking towards the school. Kurt shook his head no, and then waved goodbye to Mr. Abrams before taking hold of Artie's chair.

"I still don't understand what happened," Artie chimed in as he rolled with the group who were eventually settled in a small cluster at the ramp of the only handicap entrance. There were still three more weeks until the new ramps were installed, so it was common to find the original gleeks hanging out at the Artie-friendly entrance before school.

They were soon joined by the others, except for Puck, who they assumed was sleeping, and Rachel, who they assumed was hiding. As the warning bell rang, they all headed to their first periods after promising to spread word if any of them spotted the petite Ms. Berry.

Kurt was sitting in his last period of the day when he saw a small figure bustle past the doorway. He jerked up in surprise as he took in the petite body of a girl walking as if she were on a mission. Kurt knew that walk. That was Rachel's walk. He carefully slid his cell phone out of his pocket while he kept both eyes attentively on the teacher. He glanced down a few times as he typed a mass text to the rest of the gleeks, managing to hit send without his teacher seeing anything out of the ordinary.

'Diva Berry sighting. Meet in choir room in 5.'

He casually faked taking a couple of notes and then asked if he could use the restroom. He gathered the rest of the gleeks as they escaped from their classes and they all headed to the south wing of the first floor. They approached Rachel slowly and quietly, assuming that she would bolt if she realized that she was cornered. She continued pulling books out of her locker and finally zipped up her backpack and stood to close the door. Quinn cleared her throat loudly, causing Rachel to swivel around in shock, a hand to her heart. She looked around uneasily, afraid to meet their gaze. They didn't give her even a second to organize her thoughts before they began with their belittling, their accusations, and their anger.

She stood there in the hallway, her hand gripping the cool metal of her locker door as she took the verbal bashing that the gleeks threw at her without a fight. She bowed her head, no longer possessing the strength to attempt to meet any of their eyes as most of them took their turn berating her for almost costing them their chance at Regionals just because she didn't get the solo. Just because she was this, and she was that. She was a bitch, a diva, a drama queen. She was inconsiderate, rude, an outsider, and unwanted. Finally, Kurt exhaled loudly, feeling exasperated.

"Don't you even have anything to say for yourself? An apology? An explanation? Something?" He barked at her angrily. It was at this moment that Puck finally shuffled over to the group, having heard their voices all the way down the hallway. He nonchalantly stuck his hands in his pockets, trying to figure out what was going on.

"I should have called someone, I'm sorry," Rachel said, her voice barely above a whisper. Puck stood behind Kurt, bored and uncomfortable, and slowly dread washed over him at the quiet sound her voice. He took a step forward to get a better look at her. She wasn't wearing her preppy school girl attire, she didn't have carefully applied cosmetics on her face. No one else seemed to notice that something was seriously wrong with the girl standing before them. If the others had taken a moment to scrutinize the tiny female, they would have no idea who she was. Rachel was wearing a pair of snug black yoga pants messily shoved into the tops of tan Uggs, and an over-sized white long sleeve shirt that was ripped and worn on the cuffs of the sleeves. Puck stiffened when he realized it was clearly a guy's shirt. He read the faded writing on the front and instantly relaxed. "Hamden High School Class of 1980" it read. Puck assumed it must belong to one of her fathers and disregarded his initial annoyance as something to do with Rachel's disappearance during the weekend, not the threat of another guy. He noted that her hair was thrown into a messy bun, pieces falling out here and there to frame her pale and blotchy face. Her eyes were red rimmed and glassy, and the dark circles under them emphasized how sunken in they were. Her face look drained of any sign of life; she looked like she was missing any sign of life. She wasn't even yelling back. When he really studied her, he thought she might have even lost weight since he had last seen her at Friday's final Glee rehearsal.

"Guys, wait," he said, trying to put a halt to the public stoning Rachel was getting as the bell rang, causing more and more students to pour into the hallway. Some curiously glanced at the group surrounding Rachel, but most wrote it off as just another dork thing that they didn't care about. His group of friends paid even less attention to him than they did to their half hearted audience in the hallway. He nudged Finn in the ribs, but the taller boy just glared at him and took a step closer to Matt.

"You're just lucky we don't need you as much as we thought we did," Mercedes bit out viciously, "We won without your annoying diva attitude and without your voice. What do you think of that? We don't even need you. But don't think that means you get off without giving us an explanation, though."

Rachel ran a shaking hand through her hair, still refusing to raise her eyes to meet the hardened looks of any of her fellow club mates. She brought her hand down and subconsciously began to finger the large, neat rip on the edge of the pocket that rested above her left breast. Puck suddenly felt his stomach drop to the floor as something clicked in his brain.

"Yeah, and your excuse had better be good, or else we might just decide to 'vote you off the island' if you get what I mean," Santana sneered at her.

"Guys!" Puck called out a little louder, nudging Mike and trying to get someone to notice him. Mike gave him an odd look, followed by Artie, and Puck was relieved to finally have someone's attention when he heart Kurt scoff impatiently and his gaze snapped back to Rachel.

She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, raising her chin for the first time since she had been approached. She looked at the small group of people who had become what she thought were her friends. Her chin quivered and she was no longer able to meet any of their eyes. She swallowed hard, trying to overcome the lump in her throat.

"Well?" Quinn prodded harshly. Rachel's strength quickly depleted and her shoulders sagged forward, making her look like she had the weight of the world to bare.

"My daddy had a heart attack," she whispered, defeated. "He died." She closed her locker door and spun the dial, well aware of the sudden silence overcoming the group behind her. She knelt and grabbed her backpack, slinging it over her shoulder instead of pulling out the handle. She turned and blinked quickly, trying to keep the tears from spilling down her face. She frantically wiped at her eyes, and to her horror felt the moisture on her fingertips. She wiped the tears onto her daddy's beloved sleep shirt and gripped the strap of her backpack until her knuckles turned white.

"Kick me out of Glee if you want, I don't care anymore," she said, her voice breaking. She choked back a cry, and tried to breath in. "I don't care about anything," she said, her emotions finally getting the best of her. One heartbroken sob slipped past her lips before she could control it and then she pushed through the lynch mob that she had mistakenly thought she could trust.

The Glee kids stood in the hallway in shock, shame coloring their faces as they watched Rachel's petite frame briskly walk down the hallway until she disappeared out of sight.

"We all made a huge mistake," Kurt whispered. Puck let out a bitter laugh, and glared at him.

"We all didn't make a huge mistake, Hummel," he said, his jaw clenched painfully. "You did." With that he left in the same direction that Rachel did, running through the crowd of students in a blatant attempt to catch up to her.

"Puck's right," Mike sighed, before Kurt could start huffing indignantly. "He kept trying to stop us, and now that I know what's happened, I feel like an idiot. I mean did any of you take a look at her? She was wearing sweatpants, man. Sweatpants!"

"I don't think her hair was even brushed," Quinn said thoughtfully. Everyone turned and gave her an incredulous look. "It just says a lot!" She defended herself. "When is the last time you saw Rachel without every perfectly curled hair in exactly the right place? I don't think she's ever even worn a ponytail, let alone that mess of a bun that was on her head."

Everyone was silent now, lost in their own thoughts as Rachel's words played over in their ears.

"Her father died, and I stood there giving her the third degree. I mean out of everyone, I'm the only one who she should have been able to come to and I..." Kurt's voice trailed off as he relived the memory of his father telling him that his mother was gone. "I am never going to be able to make this up to her," he whispered, his voice laced with shame. Mercedes rubbed his back, trying to comfort him.

"We'll think of something, Kurt," she said.

Puck looked for Rachel's ridiculously blue Jetta as soon as he burst through the doors that led to the student parking lot. When he saw it pulling out and turning towards her house, he ran to his truck and jumped in. It roared to life and he careened out of the parking space before he even had time to pull his seat belt across his lap. He followed her, making sure to keep back a few cars so as not to freak her out. He frowned when she drove past her street, and noted that she definitely was going over the speed limit. He never thought he would see the day that Rachel Berry broke the law. He had thought it would be hilarious but now that the day was here, he wished it never came. A few minutes later, Rachel's car turned into the parking lot of the local skating rink. Puck followed her, at this point not even attempting to keep up the charade of a coincidence. She parked her car in the farthest parking space in the lot, and he quickly pulled up right along side of her. She got out of the car and slammed the door, glaring at him through her tears.

"Leave me alone," she ordered. Without waiting for a response, she headed towards the woods lining the parking lot. Puck quickly grabbed his cell phone and locked his car before following after her, relieved to see her cross a hidden bridge over a small stream instead of wandering aimlessly into the wilderness. At least she knew where she was going. He walked cautiously across the wooden planks and turned down the same worn path that Rachel did. He saw her up ahead, running blindly through the thicket of the wood. He started running the second he saw her stumble and fall, crying out in pain as she landed on the dirt floor of the woods. He quickly arrived at her side and began to look her over, and he sighed in relief when he realized that she wasn't physically hurt, not seriously at least. He brushed the dirt from her palms and then stood, offering her a hand. She sniffled and took it, and he pulled up to her feet. She didn't say anything to him, she just turned and continued down the path slowly and cautiously, knowing that trying to lose him in the woods was a lost cause now. They silently followed the trail until Puck realized they were back at the bridge. He was about to cross it when he realized that Rachel turned down a different, far less noticeable path.

"Why you tricky little sneak," he muttered. He took it as a good sign when she halted her footsteps to throw him a glare over her shoulder. They continued through the trees for a minute until Puck finally saw where she was headed. Up ahead, there was a small and extremely private clearing. It was a tiny meadow that was dotted with wildflowers, and it was completely surrounded by thick forest, There was a giant tree right at the edge, that had roots coming up out of the ground that seemed to create a perfect place to sit and rest. Rachel settled herself on the ground in between the two giant roots and hesitantly patted the space beside her. Puck dropped gracelessly onto the dirt, and then began to worry. He had no idea what to say or do. After a few moments, Rachel still hadn't said anything, so he didn't either. Instead he lifted his arm and held it over her shoulder, giving her a nervous glance. She gratefully leaned into him, so he carefully lowered his arm down around her. They sat, staring out at the small field of greens, until dusk began to fall.

"This is surreal," Puck finally said, his rough voice seeming loud and out of place in the quiet forest.

"Hm?" Rachel inquired, having been deep in thought and not prepared to start a conversation just yet. Then she sat up a little straighter as her brain belatedly processed what he said and she eyed Puck, the tiniest glimmer of life hidden behind the heartache in her eyes. "Surreal, Noah? I'm impressed."

"Shut up, Berry."

Rachel snorted. It was close enough to a laugh that Puck decided it was okay to continue.

"Like, I know we're in Lima. I know that outside the trees behind us is the skate rink, and next to that is Burger King. But I feel like we're in...I don't know...frickin' elf country or something. I feel like a leprechaun is going to pop out from behind a tree at any minute," he mused.

"That's why I love it here," she answered quietly. "My Daddy would take me when I was little, and we'd fly his model airplanes. There aren't many places you're allowed to do that, you know, but my Daddy and his friends held little competitions here sometimes and he would take me whenever he wanted to try out a new one. He built them himself, out of model kits. And I would lie on a blanket, and stare up at the clouds, and watch the planes fly around and around. As I got older, I thought it was silly and I didn't want to come as much..." her voice trailed off, and he could hear the tears threatening to fall. "I wish I had come with him," she finally cried, her tears coming full force. She turned her face into Puck's chest when he tightened his arm around her, and she started to sob. Puck felt sick to his stomach. He felt her body shake with each sob, heard the sharp intake of air as she gasped for breath. He wrapped his other arm around her and tried to rub her back in what he hoped was a comforting way.

"Oh god," she cried out," How will I live without him? I can't be without him Noah, I need my Daddy."

Puck swallowed hard, completely at a loss as to what he should do. He had never before seen anyone so broken. She was sobbing so hard that he couldn't even make out what she was saying anymore. He continued to rub her back and make shushing noises, and eventually was able to breath in relief as she finally started to calm down. She was clutching his damp shirt in her fists, tears and drool and snot smeared all over her face. When she pulled away from him she listlessly wiped the sleeve of her Daddy's shirt over her face, quickly removing the offending mucus.

"What do I do now?" She finally asked, her voice deep and raw from the heaving sobs she had let out.

"You move on, Rachel. Eventually. Right now? You don't do anything right now except what you just did."

"I don't want to do this, Noah. But it hurts so much. Sometimes I have a hold of it and then sometimes I just lose it. I can't eat and I can't sleep, I didn't even remember we had Sectionals. I just laid in my bed. I didn't even remember," she cried out, on the verge of hysteria.

"Hey, hey," he said quietly, still rubbing her back. He pulled away a little so that he could face her. "Rachel, no one would have been able to hold it together, you suffered one of the worst losses that you could ever face," he tried to soothe.

"But Glee is my life, Noah. At least I thought it was. And I didn't even care, even after I remembered. Glee is my life, and I don't even care that I missed it. My whole life is over, so what does Glee even matter now? My whole life...it's gone," she said, her tears starting anew. "My father is dead and my life is gone, my life is over. I love my Daddy so much and he's gone and it's all over now, my life is over," she sobbed, her words becoming hysterical. Puck pulled completely away from her and forcefully put both of his hands on her shoulders.

"No, Berry. It's not. I know it hurts. I know it feels like your heart is barely beating right now, and you have nothing left. But your life isn't over. Part of it is, yes. Part of you will never, ever be the same. There is a part of you that will never even heal. You will always miss him, you will always wish he was here. But you still are. And if there was one thing I know about your dad, if there was one thing I learned about him when we were together, it's that you were his pride and joy. And I know, and you know, that he would never forgive himself if you stopped reaching for your dreams because it was his time to go. He's gone, Rachel, but you aren't. And you still have dreams that you need to accomplish. You still have songs to sing and diva's in Glee to show up. It's okay if you can't do that until after you grieve. It's okay if you need time. But don't pull away from something you love, just because the rest of you is hurting."

He was breathing heavily by the time he finished speaking. Rachel just looked at him, her mouth gaping slightly.

"Noah, I.." her voice trailed off. She didn't quite know how to react to the passion that had enveloped his words. He awkwardly avoided her gaze, and then sighed as he relented.

"It's what I keep telling myself about the baby. I don't want to give her up for adoption. She's my flesh and blood, you know? I made her. But I know Quinn is right, we can barely be civil to each other for more than a few minutes at a time, and it would never work. My baby deserves a lot better than what Quinn and I could provide. So even though the thought of handing her off to some strangers kills me, I know it's right. It sucks now, but someday she's going to find me and when she does, I want her to be proud of me. Just like you want your dad to be proud of you. It's going to keep hurting, but we just gotta keep living until it doesn't hurt as much."

Rachel didn't answer him, instead she pushed herself up off of the ground using his shoulder as leverage and then she extended her tiny hand out to help him stand as well. When he didn't release his hold on her, she gave him a tiny smile and laced her fingers through his. They silently retraced their steps down the path and soon found themselves at their cars. She snaked her arms around his waist, and sighed, annoyed, when he stood awkwardly in her embrace, with his arms at his sides. She unwrapped her arms from his torso, wrapped his arms around herself, and then re-wrapped her arms around his middle.

"It's like you've never given anyone a hug before," she muttered. She took a deep breath and then looked up at him, her eyes serious.

"You have no idea how much your words have helped me, Noah. I'm not feeling any better, really, but I can see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel, the tiniest bit of hope that I may someday feel like myself again. I owe that to you." She tightened her grip around his waist and he squeezed her gently in response. "Thank you," she said into his chest.

"Don't mention it," he said. Then he smirked at her when she met his eyes. "Seriously, like don't mention it to anyone. I have a reputation to uphold, you know. And unhand me before I catch cooties!"

She graced him with a whisper of a genuine smile for the first time all afternoon, and he felt his chest burst with pride. As long as she had him by her side, she would get through this. He told her as much, and then avoided meeting her eyes. He hadn't meant to blurt that out, and he was afraid that she would be furious. Instead, she leaned up and placed a gentle kiss to his lips.

"Let's take it slow," she said, biting her lip uncertainly.

"We can take it as slow as you need to, Rachel. Let's start with being friends, okay?" She pretended to gasp in shock.

"We've never been friends before! Just like you told me on the bleachers," she teased him half-heartedly. She wished she could bring herself to commit to some playful banter, but a little bit of teasing was all she could manage. He seemed to accept it for the small bit of normalcy that it was, and punched her shoulder gently.

"Shut your trap, Berry," he groused. She gave him another tiny smile and then turned to unlock her car. She slid in and gave him one last look before starting her car and heading home.

He didn't want to smother her, but there he was, waiting at her locker after the last bell rang. He had seen her in the hallway a couple of times, they had sat together on the bleachers during lunch, and she had even answered the text he sent her during class last period. He straighted up from where he was leaning on her locker when he saw her approach. She gave him a small smile and wave as she walked up to him.

"I just wanted to offer to walk with you to Glee, if you want to go today," he said quietly. "I don't blame you if you don't want to, but if you do, then consider me your knight in shining whatever against those gremlins we call friends."

"That's not very nice, Noah," she chastised as she emptied her books onto the metal shelves. She closed the door and spun the lock. "I think I'm going to go. They can't hurt me anymore than I'm already hurting, right?" He smiled sadly at the truth to her words and then held out his hand, releasing his breath in relief when she laced her fingers through his. The walked through the hall and he told her about his Spanish test, knowing it would keep her mind off of their rapidly approaching destination. Just because she wanted to go didn't mean she wasn't scared. There wasn't anyone else around as they came upon the choir room, and a quick glance inside told him they were the first to arrive. They walked in together, and they both immediately gave each other a questioning glance.

Sitting on Rachel's chair was a small flower pot with a single purple plant in it. It was a flower most have seen before, but to someone with as much of a varied knowledge of the ways of the world as Rachel Berry, she immediately plucked the name of the flower out of her brain.

"It's a Hyacinth," she told him, gently lifting the pot off of the chair. Inside was a small envelope that she removed and carefully opened. Puck tensed after she opened the small card and looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears. He pulled the card out of her hand and read the words.

_Dear Rachel,_

_We can't tell you how very sorry we are over both our actions, and the loss of your father. We can never apologize enough for the words we said to you, but we hope that our actions can someday show you how truly sorry we are. We hope you accept our sincerest condolences on the death of your father, as well as this Hyacinth. It means "We are sorry." Seriously, the florist told us. We do love you and we hope you know we will never treat you that way again._

_Love Always,_

_Your Gleeks_

"So, what do you say?" Kurt's soft voice came from the doorway. Rachel and Puck both turned in surprise, not having heard the quiet entrance of everyone. Kurt hesitantly led everyone into the room and slowly walked up to Rachel. She looked into his eyes, her expression remaining blank. Finally, after a few seconds, her features softened and Kurt smiled at her in delight. He opened up his arms and she stepped into his embrace. Brittany squealed and clapped her hands happily.

"Group hug!" She shouted, pulling Quinn and Santana over to the two teens. Everyone else followed except Puck, who instead rolled his eyes and sat down in Rachel's chair. They were all taking their turn pulling Rachel into their arms, and she was soon bawling her eyes out. Each of them offered her a heartfelt apology, and she knew she couldn't stay mad at them. They were sorry, she could see that. After all the hugging was finished, she stepped away from the group and faced them all. She wiped the tears from her face and took a deep breath.

"I appreciate you all being here for me in my time of grief," she said. "I know I'm not easy to work with, I know I'm annoying and bossy. However, your words yesterday broke my heart. I have been there for all of you in the best way that I know how. This is all so new to me. It's not easy for me to be a friend, I don't always know the right thing to say or do but I thought it was clear to you all that I was at least trying. I didn't realize it hadn't been enough to win your true friendship. Thank you for the flower, and I do accept all of your apologies. But yesterday I was telling the truth. I don't care about Glee anymore, and to be honest, I just don't have it in me to keep caring about any of you. Maybe you guys were right all of these years. Maybe I really am supposed to be on my own." She took the flower pot from Puck's hand and then swiftly left the room before anyone could say a word. They all looked at each other, wide-eyed and speechless.

"What do we do now?" Mike asked. Puck pushed himself off of the chair he was sitting on and turned back to the gleeks right before he left the room.

"She'll be back," he said. "Not for a single one of you, and not for me. Not even really for herself. She'll be back because it's a stepping stone to get her to where she belongs. Glee is going to get her on Broadway and that is something she will do. For her dad. Maybe when she comes back you all won't fuck it up again," he snarled at them.

And he was right. Three weeks after her father died, Rachel walked into the choir room 15 minutes into rehearsal. She was greeted by hugs and a couple of air kisses, courtesy of Kurt and Mercedes of course, and a high five from Matt. No one said anything, no one made a big deal. Mr. Schue motioned for the band to start over and handed Rachel the sheet music. And then that was it. Glee was complete.

Later that night, after Puck drove her home, he asked what had changed her mind.

He knew she had kept to herself over the weeks, mostly only speaking to him. Occasionally she would give in and accept Kurt's invitations to join the gleeks for lunch. She knew they were trying, she took note of the fact that they kept trying. They never mentioned Glee and she didn't either. They were kind, and caring, and friendly. Rachel was weary at first, because it was so unlike how they treated her before her father passed away, and then this morning she had realized what changed.

"Hey Rach," Quinn had called as she and Brittany passed by her in the hallway. Rachel paused mid-stride, her hand resting against the door to the girl's bathroom that she was about to enter. She smiled back at Quinn, a full smile for the first time in almost a month. She waved and watched them walk down the hallway, oblivious to the shock that had just rendered Rachel speechless. She walked into the bathroom and looked at her reflection in the mirror.

"Rach. Not Berry. Not Rachel. Rach. Like a friend would say," she said to herself, her voice full of wonder. Quinn hadn't even batted an eyelash at the nickname she had bestowed upon Rachel. She had just said it like it was the most natural thing in the world. Rachel's eyes filled with tears as she realized that while she had been busy grieving her father, the gleeks had wormed their way back into her heart. Mike held doors for her, Matt blocked her from the path of a slushie the other day. Santana had even loaned her a compact mirror in class last week when Rachel had smeared ink from her pen on her chin. She had told them weeks ago that she had accepted their apologies, and she had. But today was the day that she finally forgave them. So she had cleaned the happy tears off her face and smiled to herself as the final bell rang. She was going to Glee.

The end.

**Author's Note 2**: Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.


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